


where do we begin?

by sakurapinks



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: 4 +1 fic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Homecoming, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Sex, but nothing graphic, done as a commission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24934846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakurapinks/pseuds/sakurapinks
Summary: Kurapika shows back up in distinctly Kurapika fashion. That is to say, without any warning. That isalsoto say, at two a.m. on a Wednesday morning when Leorio has a shift in four hours.or, four times in which Leorio cooks for Kurapika, and one time Kurapika cooks for Leorio.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 9
Kudos: 132





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> _i’m sick of losing soulmates. so where do we begin?_

Being a Zodiac had its upsides. Leorio was able to pretty much pay off his student loans with his paycheck from the Dark Continent mission, and thanks to Cheadle’s recommendation letter he grabbed a pretty sweet residency at York New Hospital. The downside however, was that he seemed to always be nauseatingly busy— long hours helping take care of the Black Whale’s aftermath, followed by even longer hospital shifts left enough room for two meals (if he was lucky) and a solid four hours of sleep. 

Despite this, Leorio still seems to spend every conscious moment worrying about Kurapika. He’d try to stop himself of course, but the image of his friend looking suffocated in an ill-fitting suit refused to leave his head. Picking up his phone and speed dialing Kurapika came as naturally as sutures at this point. 

So, Leorio can’t quite decide whether to be angry or relieved when Kurapika shows up on his doorstep at 2am. 

They stand at Leorio’s door, wringing dirt-caked hands with a look of exhaustion written in the dark bags beneath their eyes. Two years of pent-up anger and frustration bubble up in his throat, threatening to spill in wave after wave of sobs— but the quiet movement of Kurapika’s lips drains the malice right out of him. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s barely a whisper, but Kurapika’s hoarse, shaking voice is enough for his shoulders to slump. Leorio was far too soft on them, honestly, but he wasn’t going to force them to talk about anything while they looked like hell. He’ll ask about it tomorrow, when Kurapika looks less likely to collapse on the spot. 

Leorio sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “I know, idiot. Just come inside.” He gestures for them to enter, waving vaguely behind himself. Even as Kurapika walks in they refuse to make eye contact with him, and his chest aches at that. “You— You know where all my shit is, so go take a shower. You look awful.” 

Kurapika nods mutely, and heads toward the bathroom. As their back retreats into the doorway, Leorio can’t help but notice how small their back got. It’s nothing like the solid, squared back that radiated anger back in York New. It’s not even the heavy, sagging shoulders Leorio had pressed kisses to on the Black Whale. 

It’s thinner. Defeated. 

Leorio picks an apple from the bowl on his table and begins peeling. He’s no expert at cooking, or even cutting fruits, but preparing his own food was always cheaper than take out— so he made do, somehow.

It makes him wonder what Kurapika did to make themself so unhealthily thin. The Zodiacs paid well enough, and they should still be receiving a paycheck from that mafia guy... so there should be no excuse for them to stop eating.

Leorio sighs loudly, ruffling his hair in exasperation. Of course, that dumbass worked themself half to death. Leorio wasn’t a stranger to all nighters and exhaustion so bone-deep that hunger was an afterthought. Med school, internships and residency was like that for practically weeks on end, but at least Leorio knew when to slow down. He doubts that Kurapika even stopped to sleep between each lead. 

Leorio barely registers Kurapika’s presence then. As he was busy brooding and absentmindedly peeling apples, Kurapika had wandered into the kitchen, leaning awkwardly against the counter. They stare down at the uneven tiles by their feet. 

Then, Leorio notices the T-shirt Kurapika wears, hanging low at their thighs. He’s so caught off guard that a bright pink blush rushes to his face in an instant. 

“Uh. That’s, um...” Leorio can’t help but stutter dumbly, eyes flickering from their bare legs, to the apples, to Kurapika’s face, and back to their legs. It’s not as if Leorio hadn’t seen it before. Actually, their time on the Black Whale left little to _not_ be seen. 

But here, in his kitchen, wearing a t-shirt that’s two sizes too big Kurapika looks... too small. Fragile. Vulnerable. Like the burden of the world rests on their shoulders.

Kurapika picks up an apple slice, and looks at it so wistfully that Leorio almost tears up.

“It’s cute,” Kurapika murmurs, and for the first time since they came home, looks up at Leorio. Tired, swollen eyes meet his. Their lips twitch into the smallest smile, lined with fondness, “Are these bunny ears?”

Leorio turns red, “Yeah, uh... The brats at the hospital won’t eat their fruit unless they’re cute so...” He rubs his neck, willing the blush away, “I do it when I can.”

Kurapika exhales into a breathy, short laugh, and takes a bite of the apple slice. Leorio’s about to snap at them for laughing, but stops short when he notices the tears in their eyes. Their fond, pink-tinged eyes steals his breath and freezes Leorio in place. 

“You... haven’t changed,” Kurapika says, voice cracking, and looks quickly away to hide their expression. Their shoulders shake as they eat slice after slice of the bunny shaped apples, and Leorio sees desperation and regret and heartbreak in the way Kurapika’s fingers shake. 

It’s the choked sob, breaking from Kurapika like an overflowing dam, that shakes Leorio from his shocked silence. The next thing he knows, he’s on the kitchen floor and pulling Kurapika into his chest. It was too late to protect Kurapika from the world. But here, now, the least he could do was sit by and be a shoulder to cry on. 

“I— buried them.” Kurapika whispers, shaken, into the crook of Leorio’s neck as their tears soak Leorio’s skin. He thinks back to the dirt-caked nails and stained suit Kurapika had on earlier, and it makes sense. What didn’t make sense was what they were doing at _his_ apartment—

“And didn’t know where else to go,” Their breath hitches in a broken sort of laugh. It’s full of loathing and frustration, no doubt built up over years of the hunt for their family’s eyes. “I was so caught up in revenge that I forgot— I don’t have a home, Leorio. I don’t have anywhere to return to.” 

Leorio wants to hit some sense into the complete, utter idiot. 

“You’re fuckin’ hopeless, you know that?” Leorio sighs, and Kurapika’s head snaps up, a retort on their tongue but he’s faster. Leorio slaps a hand in front of their mouth, “No, shut up. _You_ listen to _me_.”

“Not having a home, do you know what that means? It means that no one’s waiting for you to come back. And goddamnit— Gon, Killua, and I’ve been _waiting_ for you since the beginning.” Leorio’s voice shakes like it’s about to break, and it takes all of his effort to keep from crying right there. “And Alluka and Nanika— they don’t even know you yet and they love you already! Gon ‘n Killua won’t stop talking about you.”

“I wish—“ Leorio chokes up and Kurapika’s eyes soften, losing the angry red they’d been glowing only moments before. Leorio knows that he won’t get rid of Kurapika’s demons with a single pep talk, but maybe it would be the first of many reassurances. Maybe he could help put their pieces back together, now that Kurapika was in his arms again. “Wish you’d get how much we love you, dumbass. You’ve never been alone.”

There’s a long stretch of silence, that makes Leorio’s stomach turn with anxiety. Was he too forward? He really didn’t want to scare Kurapika away, but it needed to be said— Then Kurapika smiles. Not the self-deprecating, bitter smile from before, but a smaller, shakier sort of smile. 

“I’m home.” They say through a fresh wave of tears, voice wavering and strained. 

“Took you long enough,” Leorio sniffles and presses a soft, teary kiss to their forehead. “Welcome home.”


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _brave face talks so lightly._

Leorio wakes up and his bed is cold. He’s on his feet at once, stumbling from his bed because _what the fuck, did that bastard leave again?_ Maybe he should’ve paused to think it through a bit more, considering the light spilling from the crack beneath his door and the distinctly Kurapika-looking pile of clothes in the corner. 

But in his sleep blurred, panicked mind, all he can think is that Kurapika left again. That they bolted in the middle of night to throw himself on someone’s knife, again for the sake of those Eyes and without any regard for Leorio—

“Damnit Kurapika—!”

He flings the bedroom door open, and immediately feels bad about the full-bodied flinch it draws from Kurapika, who sits curled up on the couch. Their eyes are bright, burning red, hand outstretched with their chains dangling dangerously from each finger. For a moment, they’re a terrified deer caught in headlights, before the energy drains right out of them. 

“What the hell,” Kurapika’s voice is hoarse as the crimson in their irises bleeds into a dull, cloudy burgundy. They turn to bury their face in a pillow, chains disappearing as their shoulders slump. 

“Oh... My bad.” Leorio says awkwardly, the silence thick between the two as he goes to hover by Kurapika’s side. He’s torn— not quite sure if he should pull them into a hug or go back to bed to give them space. “I, uh. Thought you’d left.”

Again. The unspoken word lingers at the back of his throat, too sharp a remark to be said aloud. Kurapika seems to pick up on it regardless, and it breaks Leorio’s heart when they give a strained, self-deprecating bark of a laugh. “You can say it, you know. That you thought I ran away again. That you think I’m a flaky son of a bitch _because it’s true._ ”

In his heart, Leorio knows Kurapika is only lashing out, trying to hurt him to hurt themself. Like they’ve already decided they aren’t worthy of warmth, or forgiveness, or even a hand to hold on nights like this. 

Leorio knows, but he’s not a strong man, or even as delicate as he should be during times like this. He rubs the beginnings of a tension headache from the bridge of his nose and snaps, coldly, “I’m gonna get you something to drink. You fuckin’ better have cooled down when I’m back.” The moment it leaves his mouth he regrets it, but the damage was done. He flees into the kitchen. 

God, he was an idiot. Leorio rubs the sleep from his eyes and yanks the fridge open with a little too much force. It was Kurapika’s fault in the first place, he decides as he grabs the milk from the fridge. The stupid-goddamn-idiot just couldn’t help giving Leorio a heart attack every other morning. 

With a grunt, Leorio pours some milk and honey into a pot, and sets it to boil. He should really make a punishment jar— put in a jenny every time Kurapika adds a stress wrinkle to his face. Screw being a doctor, he’d be rich by the end of the week. 

By the time the milk is done, Leorio’s nodding off at the counter, and nearly burns his hand off trying to put it in a mug. (THEY ARE MY CROCS! The mug exclaims in bold, sans font. Killua has a matching mug, apparently, from a meme he didn’t understand.) 

When Leorio walks back into the living room, though, he’s startled to see Kurapika standing up, pacing. As they register Leorio’s presence though, their face locks back into that complicated expression of frustration. Leorio can’t help but snort into a laugh— they looked downright constipated!— and it draws a surprised squeak of confusion from Kurapika.

“I’m sorry for snappin—“ Kurapika begins at the same time Leorio says,

“My bad for scaring you—“ 

There’s a tense beat of silence then, like both were offering up a stage neither wanted to be on. 

It was cowardly on his part, but Leorio hands them the mug of milk then, like a baton. _you go first,_ he says without actually saying, and sits down tentatively next to Kurapika. 

Kurapika’s shaking, slim fingers send ripples across the steaming surface. Leorio wants to take their hands and place a kiss on each scarred knuckle until the memory of his lips is enough to overshadow whatever ghosts haunt the voids between their fingertips. But he doesn’t. He waits. Until the ripples are less violent and the silver rim of his mug no longer reflects crimson. Until Kurapika speaks first, and breaks the silence that stretches out, taut, between them like a minefield.

“I’m sorry. I don’t... know how to stay still anymore, Leorio.” Kurapika whispers, soft, vulnerable in the way they refuse to meet Leorio’s eyes. “I... Lived with the chase for the eyes, for those bastards, since I was fourteen.”

“I gave the hunt a _decade_ of my life, Leorio. I don’t remember who I was before that? I don’t.” They suck in a quick breath and their voice cracks, “I don’t remember how to exist without... without the _hate_.” 

Leorio opens his mouth to speak, but he’s cut off as Kurapika looks up at him, tired eyes dry. Like they’d shed so many tears that they no longer have any more to give. 

“I... Planned to put myself to rest with them, you know?” Leorio’s heart stutters at that, and he’s torn between breaking into a cold sweat or breathing a sigh of relief. He doesn’t even want to imagine it. A life without Kurapika. “But I couldn’t do it. I kept... kept thinking of _you_ and Gon and Killua and I just... Couldn’t.” They’re shaking now, full body shivers that force them to put the mug down, and Kurapika lets out a wet, calloused laugh that spirals quickly into heaving sobs. 

Leorio is not good with words. He’s never been, but it never bothered him quite as much as now— all he wants, desperately, is to spill his heart and let this fool know how much he appreciates their existence. How much his heart soars just to hear Kurapika’s breathing because the alternative is too painful to think about. He curses his absolute incompetence. 

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Is all he can force his shivering voice to say, as Leorio directs the full force of his gaze to Kurapika’s calloused hands. He can’t quite bring himself to look in their eyes yet— too scared of what he might see. 

Leorio doesn’t look up. Instead, he reaches over the chasm between them and laces their fingers together. “I know it’s, uh… selfish to say that but I, I dunno what I would do without you.” He says. 

_I love you more than you know,_ he means.

Leorio thinks they get it though, because with aching deliberation Kurapika brings his hand up and places a soft, lingering kiss on his knuckles. _Thank you, _Their lips move soundlessly against his skin, but Leorio hears is loud and clear.__


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _time and hearts will wear us thin._

“—blueberries in mine?”

“Then I want chocolate chips!”

“I want the same as Nii-chan! And Nanika says she wants strawberries.”

At the sounds of familiar chatter, Kurapika can’t help but freeze. Their hand, precariously hovering above the bedroom’s doorknob, falls back to their side limply. There’s a sudden wave of panic that overtakes them at the prospect of seeing the kids. 

Was it okay for Kurapika to just appear in their life again? Since YorkNew they’d met with Leorio on the Black Whale, but the kids... They can’t even remember the last time they’d sent Gon or Killua a text. 

“Okay, okay, get all your shi— stuff out of the fridge. I gotta change my shirt.” Leorio’s voice gets closer and Kurapika can’t help but jerk backward, shuffling further into the room to be out of sight. They feel ridiculous hiding from the kids, but the thought of seeing them was terrifying. 

The door cracks open, and Leorio peaks into the room. As soon as their eyes meet he’s rushing forward, locking the door behind him, and taking Kurapika’s hands. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Leorio whispers, bringing their knuckles to his lips. Leorio’s hands are caked in flour but still warm and comfortable around their’s. 

Kurapika means to say something along the lines of ‘just a nightmare,’ or ‘I have a headache,’ but instead they blurt: “Do... The kids know that I’m here?” 

“I didn’t tell them yet. Didn’t know if you felt up to it.” Leorio smiles sadly, “Can’t account for their nen though. Don’t know what those kids know with that.”

Their chest grows warm. What did they ever do to deserve such kindness? Such care? 

“Thank you,” Kurapika stands on their toes and pulls Leorio down by the back of his neck. They press their lips to his, smiling; he tastes like pancake batter and coffee. That warmth, though, isn’t quite able to keep their uncertainty at bay. They blurt, “Do you think they still want to see me?”

“Course they do.” Leorio doesn’t miss a beat, and he says it with such finality that they can’t help but believe him. They want to pour every ounce of trust into this man and never look back. “Do _you_ still want to see them?”

They think back to the missed calls on their phone. The apologies they owe Gon and Killua for leaving so suddenly. For not being there by what should’ve been Gon’s deathbed. For not doing more to force their way into the Chimera Ant Expedition and fight by Gon and Killua. 

“Yes, I do.” Kurapika says despite the nerves buzzing at their fingertips and the heartbeat that threatens to burst from their ears. Leorio, who has always known Kurapika better than they’ve known themself, seems to sense the unease. He bends down to kiss them again, this time lingering longer to press his lips to their cheek, their forehead, their eyelid. 

-

“Hey kids! I have a surprise for you!” Leorio bursts out of the bedroom, smile wide in what Kurapika calls ‘his pediatrician grin.’ 

“Call me a kid one more time, geezer—“ A voice they’re sure is Killua snaps, but it trails off into silence when Kurapika steps into the kitchen. 

“Kurapika!” Gon surges forward, teary eyed, and crushes them in a hug. He was so big now— more than half a head taller than Kurapika— but with the same wild hair and wide grin as years before. “We missed you!”

“Hi Gon,” Kurapika wonders when they became such a crybaby, because despite their smile, their vision is fuzzy. “I missed you too.”

Their shaking hands come to rest at Gon’s broad back, and they wonder just how much he’d trained to get like this. The twelve year old boy from Whale Island was almost grown up— not being there to support him was one of their biggest regrets.

“It’s about time.” Killua jokes. His eyes are watery, but they pretend not to notice. Killua was always a little shy, after all. “Stop hogging Kurapika, Gon! I wanna hug.” 

Gon relents, finally, after a final bone-crushing squeeze. Killua picks them up and spins them, laughing with such infectious joy that Kurapika can’t help but join in. The scent of ozone sticks to the younger boy, and they can feel the crackling, innate energy under Killua’s skin. 

The boys were so strong now. 

Eventually, after being winded from laughter cramps and motion-sickness, Killua sets them down. “Alluka, this is Kurapika, say hi.”

A little girl with bright brown eyes peaks out from behind Killua. A blush tints her cheeks. Visibly nervous, she says at Killua’s nudging, “Nice to meet you Kurapika-san.” 

“Hi Alluka-chan,” Kurapika squats so they’re eye-level. So this is the little girl Leorio cared for so much. She’s just as he described— soft around the eyes like Killua with the same shy smile, and an endearing innocence. It’s no wonder Killua went to such lengths to protect her. 

Suddenly, her eyes light up. Alluka takes Kuapika’s hands in hers and bounces on her heels. “Nanika says she wants to meet you too!” 

They smile warmly, touched. “I’d love to.”

Alluka nods excitedly and closes her eyes, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Then, when she opens them next her eyes are fully black, like little black holes. “Kura! P... Pika!” Nanika says, clapping. “Friend!”

Killua interrupts, “No, Nanika. Remember the other word?” 

Nanika smiles widely, her black hole grin radiating more excitement than Kurapika ever remembers feeling as a child. It’s a wonder how children could experience such intense, saturated emotions. “Nanika remembers! Fam’ly! Kura is fam’ly!” 

That was unexpected. Kurapika’s eyes go wide as Nanika dives into their chest for a hug. Her strange, airy laugh brings a fond smile to their lips despite their nerves, “Yes, Nanika-chan. W-we’re family.”

With Nanika in their lap like this, it’s painfully obvious how much they’d missed just by being gone for a few years. Kurapika doesn’t feels like they deserve this warm welcome home— this was a place they’d thrown away, a place they’d refused to acknowledge as a place to return to. How much did they really belong here anymore?

“I’m sorry, everyone,” Kurapika says with as much strength as they can muster without devolving into sobs, “I shouldn’t have left, it wasn’t fair to all of you—“

“Stop.” Kind, grinning Gon says with such finality that it stops Kurapika from continuing. “You did what you had to do for your family. No one blames you for that!”

Leorio puts a hand on their shoulder, and like the borderline telepathic asshole that he is, says with that same warm smile Kurapika fell in love with years ago, “You belong here, okay? Your home is with us.” 

“Home!” Nanika cheers, giving Kurapika one last squeeze before jumping up to prance around her brother. 

Kurapika looks up at Leorio, and the pair exchange a soft, secretive smile. They hope Leorio can feel just how much they appreciate his understanding— how much better they feel themself becoming already. 

“Gross, get a room you two!” Killua makes an exaggerated gagging motion, breaking out into laughter as Kurapika turns a crimson red. Were they that obvious in their affection? Perhaps it took a lovesick idiot to identify another lovesick idiot, because Nanika looked lost. 

“This _is_ our room! You gremlins barged in without warning this morning!” Leorio exclaims. 

Gon pouts, eyes glimmering. Kurapika would bet all their money on Killua being the one who taught him the puppy-dog eye trick. “But Leorio, you said we were welcome any time...”

“I... Did I say that...?” Leorio, poor gullible Leorio, rubs the back of his neck. The worst part is that he can’t seem to remember— it definitely sounded like something he would say.

“I recall you saying that to me, as well.” Kurapika nods, playing along with Gon’s joke. They shoot Killua a mischievous wink as Leorio turns away, making the boy snicker behind his hand. 

“Kurapika, shut up— I hate it here.” Leorio groans, admitting defeat as the room erupts into laughter, Kurapika included. Leorio doesn’t look like he can stay mad for long though, because a grin is already tugging at the corner of his lips when he asks, “Are you dumbasses ready for breakfast yet? The pancakes are getting cold.”

Kurapika doesn’t even mind that theirs are a little burned around the edges.

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve used the term “cooks” very lightly, as you can see lol.
> 
> [ check out my carrd for my socials!](https://hybridflower.carrd.co/)


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